No, I’m not dead

I’m just lazy. I make no apologies for not updating this blog. I’m living in Thailand for fuck’s sake, I’ll do things in my own damn time. Anyway, lots has happened since the last post so here’s the 5-minute rundown…

First thing is my first scooter accident. I was driving along a road called Wat Po with my colleague Michelle when a pick-up truck pulled out right in front of us. He was waiting at an intersection and decided to move out in the opposite direction to us just when we got within ten yards of him. There was nothing I could do, slammed on the brakes but went straight into his bumper, next thing I know I’m in the road, my trousers are ripped to shreds and my leg is bloody and aching.

Thankfully there was nothing too serious involved. Michelle had a sore knee for a while but it seems to be better, I got it a little worse and have a fuckton of ligament and tendon damage but it’s getting better and I can almost walk down stairs normally after two weeks. The other driver admitted fault and is paying for the hospital and garage bills so I can’t complain on that score. Still get kinda nervy when I’m driving now though.

Next on the agenda – new flat! I got a call from Jason, my boss, a couple of weeks back saying he’s moving out of his place and would like to give me first refusal on it as he wants someone “older and more responsible” to look after it. Hur-hur-hur. I was just about to switch to Jamie’s air-conditioned en-suite room in my old place so was a bit hesitant but decided to go for a look anyway seeing as it’s just on the next Soi down.

Holy fuck.

I walked into a palace. Gleaming tile floors in an open plan living area including kitchen, dining space, living area with flat-screen TV (and cable) and – the icing on the cake – a frickin’ pool table. I shit you not. After seeing this the thought of bedrooms didn’t even cross my mind but I shuffled upstairs and lo, it’s the biggest damn bedroom in town. Kingsize bed, sofa and coffee table, desk, even a sink in the corner.

I think I’ll take it…as dogmatic and close-minded as religious believers.”

Of course with a new flat comes new flatmates and I scored on that front as well. Kelsey arrived in town the day I moved in, I had heard nothing about her so was naturally worried about getting a mentalist, a jesus freak or some kind of antisocial nut. Instead I got one of the soundest people I’ve met so far, a 22-year old American lass whose deeply into anthropology and archaeology and who carries herself with the calm confidence of someone well beyond her years. Plus she has a wicked sense of humour, sometimes quite dry and subtle and other times just ridiculous.

The next day Michelle (aka New Michelle aka Wookie) touched down. I’ll admit I was hesitant here as I’d chatted to her via email and Facebook a lot before she left Canada and she gave the impression that she could tip over that fine line which divides enthusiastic and slightly nippy. Again I had nothing to worry about, she’s just a regular Duracell bunny, bouncing off the walls with a permanent smile on her face and a talent for spewing the most hilarious non-sequitors mid-sentence. Case in point during a card game on Koh Samui – “I wish there were monkeys everywhere instead of dogs, that’d be cool”. Yup, just my style.

That’s another thing that happened, my first trip to the islands. Last week I took a couple of nights over  there with the new flatmates and my friend Em, possibly the  coolest gal in all Surat. Em and I drove our scooters with Wookie and Kelsey on the back, an epic journey for vehicles designed for short urban rides. An hour to the ferry, ninety minute crossing, another hour to get to the beach on the worst roads I’ve seen, populated with the most dangerous drivers in the world. I’ve never been so glad to get off that bike as when we hit Chaweng beach.

It was worth it though, a couple of days of chilling on the beach, good food, a little beer and plenty sunburn. Add to that some excellent card/drinking games and a visit to a ladyboy cabaret show which ended with me covered in glitter and lipstick. Good times…

On the downside there’s been some nasty crime-related stuff going on. A few weeks back a friend of my Thai pal Benz was shot, on Friday night someone was shot outside the club we were at (Thai mafia pretty much run the show here) and I just heard that Wookie, currently on Koh Tao with Michelle, has had her wallet and camera stolen. In fact it’s still not long since Em had her laptop and camera nicked from her flat.

So it’s not paradise. But really, it’s not that far off.

Anyway, now I’m back to teaching and at this moment I’m using this blog as a procrastination enabler to stave off working on dreaded lesson plans. I messed up and covered half of today’s class yesterday, gotta think of a last-minute fix. Methinks a bit of waffling and a game should cover it 🙂


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