Yeah, hard as it is to believe, there are downsides to upping sticks and moving to a tropical paradise to start a new life.
The last week and a half have been a whirlwind – the epic journey; moving into a new flat; training for a new job; trying to get to grips with an utterly alien language; building a new network of friends – and while it’s mostly been a blast, it does get hard at times. Really hard.
The jetlag doesn’t help. For some reason when I came over to train at Fairtex a few months back my body clock managed to adjust in just a few days, probably because of the intensive training schedule. This time it’s just not working, I’m forced to operate on a couple of hours sleep a night in an environment which would be draining at the best of times. So far I’ve been able to get away with it because I’ve just been shadowing Nikki while she takes her classes but next week I’ll be the teacher and will have to actually be awake, alert, totally in control. As much as I hate to admit it, it looks like some heavy duty sleeping pills are going to be the only solution in the short term.
The language barrier is getting to me as well. After a while it starts to become just a tad annoying knowing that you can only eat in a handful of places, the select few with English menus. I know a few phrases and managed to successfully buy a few chicken skewers at a night market stall using only Thai but that’s the limit of my abilities. Keep in mind that they have a totally different alphabet so even trying to guess at foods on a Thai menu is out of the question for now.
And then there’s the loneliness. Yeah I’ve built up a good circle of friends so far but it’s not like back home. They’re more acquaintances, drinking buddies, folk you can stop and chat to in passing, but there’s nothing like the close friendships I left back in Scotland. That takes time, and the worst thing about the present situation is that most of the people I really get on with so far are leaving in a couple of months, that’s just something that comes with the job. There’ll be an equal influx of new faces to balance it out of course but the real friendship thing is going to take time.
Yeah, that old chestnut I gave up on many moons ago.
A lot of guys here get settled with Thai girlfriends but for me the language barrier would be too much of a problem for that, I need to be able to communicate 100% with someone in a relationship. That leaves the western girls but there are all sorts of other problems there. For starters most are already taken! There is one lass I have foolishly manage to fall for, a beautiful, smart, funny girl who arrived a couple of days after me, but it seems so far to be a one-way attraction. In any case I’ve partly forgotten how you even approach this sort of thing and, even if I could remember, part of me’s still too shit-scared to make a move anyway, still hurting from last year’s events. I just miss having someone to confide in, someone to reassure and who’ll reassure me, someone to play with. You have no idea how much that would help with all the other problems.
Chances are all this shit will sort itself out soon, I’ll acclimatise, adjust to the new sleeping patterns, pick up the lingo, sort out the friendship/relationship thing and everything will be hunky-dory; living the dream. Till then I guess I just have to accept that there are going to be bad times mixed in with the good, just roll with the punches and keep on truckin’.
I’ve dealt with a fuck of a lot worse after all.
PS, to Sarah The Ex – I now totally appreciate why you were sounding so miserable on Messenger when you first got to Berlin.
PPS – Since writing this I’ve been for a muckle night out (8pm till 5/6am!), had a braw time and generally chilled out :p