Victory is mine!

In two equally important ways as well. First off, JP – Irish army dude – stomped a foot randomly into the bushes outside my window last night and seems to have successfully created an ex-frog. Now my peaceful, nature-loving, pseudo-buddhist side depolres such violence against innocent creatures but…

The fucker was far from innocent. It was a lapdog of Satan. It deserved what it got.

Even better, I was at Mellows last night and discovered they’d had new menus printed up to replace the crumpled, beer-sodden travesties they’ve been using since I arrived. There, at the bottom of the first page, was the dish that made me the happiest man alive.

Herbal Curry with Frog.

Take that hopalong – last night my mate squished the life out of you and tonight I’m going to eat your mum. Who’s ribbiting now? Huh? Bee-atch?

In other spectacularly good news I just discovered something about Surat Thani, the place where I’ll be living come September. It has a monkey training college. Yes, you read correctly – a college where they train monkeys. Don’t worry, it’s not an evil circus thing, they train them to climb trees, distinguish ripe from unripe or spoiled fruit, pick the fruit and chuck them into baskets below. You can visit and see the trainer at woork for 300 baht, roughly 6 quid. They’ve got my money already…

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