Day Of Rockoning

Yes, it’s here at last! Tonight is the night that Katy Bar The Door, Kiltreiser and Wildtype take to the stage at Henry’s Cellar Bar, the first time all three have played together since, well, ever…

For the past five years Katy Bar The Door have been in self-enforced exile in Siberia, honing their musical skills through the somewhat unusual pursuit of wolf-hunting. Steve, Richie, Zone and El Skippereeno abandoned the comforts of Fife to live a barbarous, naked existence in the tundra, tracking down the wild and hungry canines using only their ruined senses of smell, ancient Navajo tracking techniques and the very latest in military-grade radar location technology. The instruments they play tonight will be carved from the bones of their prey, the songs inspired by the dying yelps of the pups whose skulls they smashed and in whose blood they revelled. Their clothes are still, sadly, missing.

(Personnel: Steve – guitar/backing vox; Richie – vocals, guitar; Zone – powerbass, shouts; Squaddie – sticks of doom)

Wildtype have surfaced from their subterranean lair under the streets of Edinburgh to grace us with tonight’s appearance, taking time off from their defence of our fair city to provide some ball-bleedingly raw rock and/or roll. It’s a little-known fact that Ehdee, Marky and Pingu are all that remains of  the elite group of fighters dedicated to guarding the portals to the underground cities of the Elder Gods and preventing their dread countenances from ever appearing surface-side again. (Weaponised Interdimensional Lovecraftian Defense Troop, Yog-sothoth Platoon, Edinburgh – now do you understand?) Buy these lads a pint when you see them – we owe them everything.

(Personnel: Marky Torture – vocals/riff-mongering; Ehdee See – sludge-bass/shouts; Pingu – tub-thumping)

As for Kiltreiser, we’ve been in the Himalayas for the past month, working on the vocal chords of new recruit Krakatoa Smith. Finally, after untold gallons of rubbing alcohol, more mushrooms than the druids could ever have dreamed, the massacre of thousands of monks of and repeated viewings of the entire Inspector Morse DVD collection we feel he’s ready to be unleashed on an unsuspecting public. It’s said that nature abhors a vacuum and the force of nature that is Krakatoa promises to plug the aural vacuum between songs with scientific insights into the HIV pandemic, commentary on international race relations and his world renowned, one-man version of the smash-hit animated movie Bolt.

(Personnel: Krakatoa Smith – abuse/offense/contortion; Crucifix Johnson – meat guitar/shrieks; Cannonball Jones – rib-shattering 4-string mayhem/screams; Rapid McAllister – Drums Of The Gods/baldness/Avril Lavigne)

It’s all going down at Henry’s Cellar Bar, 7:30 till 10pm. Four hundred new pence. Rock it.

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