Tag Archives: surat thani

Thailand – A Sensory Massage

So, after eighteen months of globe-trotting, taking in three continents and many more countries, now en route to Taiwan, I find myself back in Suratthani. My home for over a year, I grew to love this sleepy, unpretentious little town more than I could have imagined and damn, it’s good to be back. For the past week and a half I’ve been intending to write this post but I’ve been lulled into inaction by the soporific blend of comfort and sensory massage which has welcomed me home.

Every one of my senses has been treated since leaving the cold, grey shores of the People’s Republic Of Scotia and returning to the Land Of Smiles. My vision was the first to be assaulted – from the second I disembarked in Bangkok there were explosions of colour all around me. No more monochrome skies and dull sandstone architecture, now it was all vibrant hues drenching me wherever I cast my gaze. From the fruit stalls to the pink taxis, from extravagant displays adorning Siam Paragon to the ubiquitous advertising banners draped over every storefront, it was like walking through a rainbow. The sky sealed the deal for me, an intensely blue canopy covering Thailand and keeping it safe from the outside world, such a unique, perfect, pure shade it’s almost an eighth colour in itself.

Almost simultaneously I noticed the auditory transition, the aggressive bludgeoning of my native tongue (Scots, that is) slyly replaced by the rapid-fire tonality of Thai. The language which confounded me when I first hit these shores in 2009 now sounds so welcoming, so pleasantly familiar, that I’m angry at myself  for not keeping up with my own burgeoning linguistic skills. And of course there’s the music – the endless K-pop derivatives and blasphemous lounge-jazz classic rock covers which managed to worm their way into my heart. Yes I complain about the music here but there’s nonetheless something strangely comforting about singing along to a slice of pop cheese when you don’t even understand the lyrics, let alone know if you’re even making the right noises.

Taste and smell, so closely linked, received their treatments at the same time, passing the first street-food vendor I met. Words can’t describe the wonder of real Thai cooking – by which I mean Thai food cooked in Thailand using authentic, fresh Thai ingredients. The smells have me salivating instantly, indescribable aromas which set my stomach to rumble mode – and set my eyes to watering depending on the amount and species of chili used. I’ve been choosing my meals carefully, making sure to revisit my old haunts and favourite dishes while I have the chance – my daily staple of khao krapraw muu kai dao from the bridge restaurant, larb muu, muu daa deaw and khao niaw from the isan place on Donnok and, of course, my post-weights-session reward of Crack Chicken ™ on Karunrat. I hear Taiwan plays host to even tastier Chinese food than you find in China itself but it’s got a lot to live up to for someone coming from this culinary paradise.

The tactile difference in being here can be at times more subtle but also much more dramatic than the other senses. On leaving the airport I felt myself wrapped in two comfort blankets, both of which I’d dearly missed during a three-month Winter sojourn in Scotland, Canada and the Mid-West. Namely, the glorious, constant, life-affirming heat, and the ever-present humidity which can be the bane of new arrivals but which is missed the instant you enter drier climes.

It’s more than meteorological though, and more than just physical feelings. It’s the inner feelings that make all the difference, that confirm the rightness of my choice to make this land my home for a year and to return as soon as I had the chance. They don’t call this the Land Of Smiles for nothing. After a sleeper train from Bangkok to Surat and a bus from the station into town I donned my bulging rucksack and made the short walk along Donnok to my former home. I don’t exaggerate in the slightest when I say that almost every single shopkeeper on that road greeted me with smiles, laughter and exclamations of “You’re back!”, “Where you go?”, “Not seen you long time!”. People I’d not exchanged more than a few words with over the course of a year suddenly treated me like a long-lost son after just a few months absence. Returning to see actual friends, farang and Thai alike, was even more welcoming – night-long chats with Joy, Alex telling me I have to come and drink outside his shop every night, catching up with former colleagues, it’s been non-stop in an exhausting but thoroughly wonderful way.

Even the simplest of things – suddenly having three or four weeks in one place, allowing me to join a gym for a non-extortionate period of time – has made a world of difference to my outlook. After three months of sedentary living, over-eating, nicotine and alcohol I was putting on weight, feeling lethargic and occasionally threatening to lapse back into old ways of thinking, dark ways I’d left behind a long time ago. No more though, I’m back at my old gym, slowly getting my body back into some semblance of shape, just ran my first 10km in god-knows how long and feeling on top of the world for it.

I can’t say this loudly or often enough. Forget spending money on bullshit hippy new-age medicines and the like – frickin’ homeopathy, astrology, whatever – ditch all the self-help books, untangle yourself from whatever web of responsibilities you’ve been weaving for yourself since you left school and get moving. Get to Thailand, or Vietnam, or Ghana, or Chile, or wherever calls you the loudest. Treat your senses, your body, your spirit/soul if you believe in such things – treat them to change, to a new world, to refreshing experiences. Revive them, revitalise them (dammit, I sound like a shampoo commercial now) before they start to decay beyond repair.

Choose life. Choose freedom. Choose travel. Choose sipping ice coffees in the jungle just minutes from your home while telling your friends back home what they’re missing in the Land Of Smiles…

Miss or no miss

Okay, despite how it may sound from the title this post is not about Em and I, you can go ahead and breathe a sigh of relief. This morning I left Thailand after 14 and a half glorious months with a mixture of motions coursing through my body and wreaking havoc with my brain – the sadness at wrenching myself from my home with no return ticket, the emptiness that comes from being single again after such a long, glorious time, the apprehension at my now blank future and what it may hold, but at the same time anticipation at what lies around the corner.

And it’s because of this anticipation that I’m writing now. It was truly the first wholly positive emotion I’ve felt in a week, the first glimmer of hope that something within me is starting to see through the sadness. I’m going to grab onto it with every ounce of strength I have, use it to guide me through a few days alone in an alien city and nurture it in the hopes that its blooms will disguise and eventually displace my weaker, more negative feelings.

So, how is this sudden sunbeam of optimism going to manifest itself? The tantalising first few lines of a literary masterpiece to confound and dazzle generations to come? A masterfully crafted poem expressing my love, regret and newfound optimism in stanzas fit for Byron or Burns?

Well, not quite, it’s just a list of what I will and won’t miss about Thailand. Fuck you, it’s a start. Let’s tackle what I will miss first, and let’s limit it to five in each group.

1 – The Food – Well, the past year has been a culinary experience I never imagined. I thought I liked Thai food before, dining at Edinburgh’s many outlets whenever I had the chance, but the reality is that I had never so much as sniffed a Thai meal until Surat. The range of flavours present in the simplest dish is incredible and a mere dipping sauce can have you guessing ingredients for half an hour. The freshest, sweetest, juiciest fruit I’ve ever known, the range of spices from the slow-burner to the shotgun blast, the novelty of corn as a desert option and the incomparable cost all left an indelible mark on my memory.

2 – The Weather – Back home I used to pride myself on my resilience to the Scottish elements, happily (stubbornly) striding or cycling to work come biting rain, howling gales or suicide-inducing sleet while my fellow travellers cowered in their heated buses. No more. For the past fourteen months I’ve rarely had to endure temperatures below 30C, galloping to the opposite extreme and eschewing the aircon in my room for a simple fan to keep the mozzies at bay. The glorious sunshine highlights the wondrous colours in the city around me, from the fruit stands to the Buddhist garlands and paints the sky the most incredible, unforgettable blue. The downside is that I am a dead man, possibly literally, the second I set foot back on home turf.

3 – The Wildlife – Whether flora or fauna, I’ve been in a new universe for the past year. Once you leave the city limits and hit the countryside you are surrounded by the lushest, most verdant countryside you could hope to witness, peppered by flowers of every hue. The air around you is a constant chorus of the animal denizens, untold species of bird flashing to and forth above a jungle alive with monkeys, elephants and creatures of every size in between. Even in my own home I’ve grown so fond of the ever-present geckos I’ll have trouble adjusting to life without them, especially the little guy who, for two weeks, would crawl out and watch intently whenever I picked up my guitar.

4 – The Culture – And this includes the people in general. There’s a reason it’s called the Land Of Smiles, I have never felt so welcomed anywhere in the world. There’s a genuine friendliness in Surat, far removed from the mindset prevalent in the tourist traps which regards tourists as  little more than walking wallets. You are welcomed wholeheartedly into people’s lives, and once you’re in, it’s beautiful. People share everything, from their emotions to their motorbikes, and it’s all done for nothing more than a sense of friendship and a desire for mutual happiness. There’s a deep, loving respect for others that is so sorely missing back ‘home’.

5 – My Students – I told myself that this wouldn’t happen, that it’s just a first year of a teaching career and that I’m allowed to have fun with the kids but not get attached. Fuck. Really blew that one! It was an insidious happening, slowly, subtly creeping up on my until a point about four or five months when I suddenly though “How the hell am I supposed to leave these guys?”. The private, afterschool classes affected me more than the high school ones. From Punsip and her predilection (luckily shared and encouraged by me) for communicating through animal noises, through initially shy Ming who started off terrified of me thank to a misjudged joke about cutting off his fingers for forgetting homework yet soon blossomed into the most precocious, chatty and generally brilliant student in the world, I’m going to badly miss them all. Especially Maisow and her constant stream of gifts, from homemade cards and scrawlings to papercraft dolls and bizarre, scrunched-up paper heads, all liberally daubed with “I love Paul”. Those kids were my reason for getting up in the morning, especially in the last few months after Em had returned home. It’s going to be tough without them.

Okay, so that’s the things I’ll miss, but what pissed me off? What can I live without? Read on…

1 – The Food – I’ve come to reason that there are  certain foods which are more or less staples everywhere and just seem to have skipped Thailand out for some bizarre reason. These are – in no particular order – beef, bread, chocolate, wine, beer, coffee and potatoes. Look, I love Thai food and there’s no need to eat anything but if you’re in Surat. Just don’t offer ‘western food’ if it bears not even a passing resemblance to western food. And for the love of god, sort the coffee out!

2 – The Weather – Today? Hot ‘n’ sunny. Tomorrow? Hot ‘n’ sunny. The rest of your life? Hot ‘n’ sunny. Seriously, enough already. I miss seasons, they add a bit of variety and let you know what time of year it is, my internal calendar is so fucked up after this past year. And for the record Thailand? Slightly more rain than normal and slightly lower temperatures does NOT a season make. Get a grip.

3 – The Wildlife – Bugs, bugs, bugs. I can handle them served up on a platter at the night market (actually quite like them) but crawling all over my house? No. Coackroaches are harmless but, like southerners, they’re disgusting, annoying and get fucking everywhere. Mozzies – not so harmless, along with ants they managed to turn my limbs into veritable artworks, grotesque modern sculpture masterpieces, ever since I set itchy foot in the country. And the night chorus? Fuck me, I’ve had so many sleepless nights thanks to the combined efforts of dogs, crickets and frogs that it’s far beyond a joke. Fuck animal rights, they’re all cunts and need exterminated.

4 – The Culture – Okay, this section has been tongue in cheek so far, but there is a serious note. The casual racism is NOT acceptable. It’s bad enough being treated as an exhibit while visiting a zoo, Thais draping themselves off you for a photo, but we get the soft end of things. The treatment of darker-skinned people and certain foreigners, the Burmese in particular, is fucking disgusting and a disgrace to the country. And that’s just the start. There’s the undercurrent of violence due to the fact that conflict resolution is an alien concept. There’s the constant dangerous and drunk driving. Throw in the immensity of the corruption from local police up to the highest levels of governments and you remove a significant amount of the sheen from what initially seemed an immaculate exterior. Parts of the inside are, unfortunately, rotten.

5 – My Students – Nah, just kidding. I even miss the ones who annoyed the living shit out of me every single day. Prach, Tony – I’m looking at you…

So that’s yer lot. Okay, it’s far from a comprehensive list, more like some time-wasting to take my mind off things – quite successfully I might add – but maybe it’ll give some of my non-Surat friends an idea. I hope it does, writing that list just reminded me of something that I should never allow the events of the past week to make me forget – that taking this job and upping sticks for Surat was the single best decision of my life to date.

365 Pictures – 3rd October 2010

Holy crap, only going to have five more weeks of Thailand photos after this one (plus one week’s worth of Cambodia and one of Malaysia) and then it’s back to the old country. I’m sure there will be plenty of photo opportunities back home but most of them will be fat, bearded drunks lying in the gutter or skin-headed, tattooed youths in designer clothes beating the crap out of each other, then lying in the gutter. Or the whorish maidens they’re no doubt fighting over. Yeah, they’ll be lying in the gutter too, covered in their own vomit and unfeasible amounts of make-up.

Do I have to go back? Do I really have to???

No. 72, 26/09/10 - Continuing my series of abandoned childhood companions. This was found by the riverside near Tigger's place. Probable cause of death - drowning.

No. 73, 27/09/10 - One of the two laziest cats in Surat, both of whom seem to spend all day sleeping on copies of Guns & Ammo at the night market.

No. 74, 28/09/10 - Vic's team placed second at the pub quiz (we won obviously) and received all of Moss's loose change as a bonus prize. Never did find out how much there was...

No. 75, 29/09/10 - Staff meal at a Korean barbecue just around the corner from the middle of nowhere. Best of its kind I've been to though, I embarked on an epic kidney-fest. And those green garlic noodles, dear god.

No. 76, 30/09/10 - Covering Kayla's classes at Joy School again. So many cute photos of kids but I went with the cup rack instead. Shut up, it's my photo series.

No. 77, 01/10/10 - No, it's not a mad scientist's lab, it's jars of mysterious, syrupy goodness at the night market. It's amazing that the entire country doesn't have diabetes.

No. 78, 02/10/10 - My own little dawn chorus lines up on my balcony. Every Saturday and Sunday I lie in bed reading to the sound of these guys. Fun times.

Project 6000 – The Verdict

Okay, so a month ago I decided I would set myself a challenge, attempting to live for an entire month on a total of 6,000 baht (or £200 £125 to my countrymen). This was to include all food, drinks, fuel, bills and other entertainments, the only exception being rent which is included in my contract.

So how did I do? Well the month is now over and my final outlay came in at – drum roll – 5,925 baht! I made it! In fact I technically came in well under budget depending on how you look at things…

You see I was extremely strict with my tally, including every unseen expense which cropped up – oil change on the bike, fixing a headlight and the added expenses of keeping in touch with a girlfriend who’s bathed in sunlight while I’m staring at the moon (admittedly not much but texts and internet access add up over time).  But this stictness with additional outgoings means I’m also permitted to include incomings on my budget so toss in an extra 1,000 baht’s worth of winnings at the three pub quizzes which took place over the period of the experiment. That’s 1,000 baht I intend to spend on enjoying myself this weekend, bottle of half-decent wine here I come :)

So that’s how it worked out on paper, but what was it like actually living on that kind of a budget? Could it be done long term? Would I do it again? Well the only honest answer is that I don’t know. There were so many factors to add up – I’m saving for leaving Thailand, I’m trying to cut down on drink (major expense over here), there was a ton of work to be done so I was permanently exhausted and, on top of everything else, I missed Em immensely and didn’t always feel sociable. So maybe at another time it wouldn’t have worked and I wouldn’t have enjoyed it.

But the fact remains that the cost of living here is so low and entertainment is so easy to come by that there’s no need to be earning  a fortune to enjoy life in Surat Thani. With the right attitude, some good friends and a little imagination you can live like a king on a shoestring budget.

It’s going to be a hell of a shock re-adjusting to Western prices and the difference in value between items – over here you can buy a good meal for half the cost of a bottle of beer, back home you can get (if I remember rightly) at least a couple of pints for the price of your lunch. It’s easy to avoid naughty snacks in a country where a small bag of Maltesers can cost more than your dinner. And to balance that up, let’s not forget the insanely low price of ‘blended spirits’ and the fact that you can bring a bottle to pretty much any bar.

I’m going to miss Thailand. But I’m going to enjoy my brief trip back to my old world just as much :-)

(Thanks to Tigger for the currency correction, my impending trips to the UK, Canada and America have my head all in a tangle…)

365 Pictures – 26th September 2010

Not a single picture of students in this batch! Amazing! Well it is school holidays now I suppose…

No. 65, 19/09/10 - Wonderful cabinet of creepy Corpse Bride-style dolls in a coffee shop just off Ratbumrung

No. 66, 20/09/10 - Sunset over Surat's rooftops

No. 67, 21/09/10 - I'm going to miss the creepy mannequins when I leave...

No. 68, 22/09/10 - Nui entranced by lunchtime soaps at Cafe'ine

No. 69, 23/09/10 - Best paenang gai, massuman satek and gai med mak muang ever :)

No. 70, 24/09/10 - Shipwrecked in Surat

No. 71, 25/09/10 - Brollies, brollies everywhere - bizarrely beautiful display in Coliseum (FYI cameras aren't allowed in there...)

Time to prepare for parent’s day at Suratpittaya, but not before indulging myself in an overdose of Electric Six. I got dance fever and the only prescription is Dick Valentine…

365 Pictures – 19th September 2010

Been a long week – covering classes for absent and ill teachers plus illness and all that malarkey. On the plus side, I rediscovered the joys of Ivor Cutler. On the minus side, the last two minutes of Dexter season four ruined everything. Everything. So if these pics are a tad lacklustre I have plenty of excuses…

No 58, 12/09/10 - Spent an afternoon out at Tigger's place trying in vain to get Unbuntu to speak to his wireless card. Lots of serenity out there. How's the serenity...

No. 59, 13/09/10 - Tasty treats at le marche de la nuit/das nachtmarkt/the night market.

No. 60, 14/09/10 - Random artwork I found downstairs when leaving The Language that day. Brought a smile to my sour, cynical and jaded face. :)

No. 61, 15/09/10 - Covered for Kayla out at Joy School and got so many photos during sports time.

No. 62, 16/09/10 - Love the creepy eyes on this statue down by the river...

No. 63, 17/09/10 - Surat from the river down by Wang Tai hotel

No. 64, 19/09/10 - I pass these flags pretty much every day but never noticed how cool they looked.

365 Pictures – 12th September 2010

Wow, I’m actually managing to keep this up! To be honest it gets easier the longer you do it, becomes almost a habit. As long as I can tear myself away from Dexter’s 4th season I should be fine for at least another week…

No. 51, 5th September 2010 - Looks like my desk could use something of a tidy...

No. 52, 6th September 2010 - Stumbled across this sad scene in one of the backstreets behind my flat. Almost wanted to take them home before the binmen got them.

No. 53, 7th September 2010 - R.I.P Jings and Crivvens. A student gave me these fish in this very jam jar. Transferred them to a proper bowl but alass, they couldn't hack it.

No. 54, 8th September 2010 - The graveyard of confiscated balls in Suratpittaya

No. 55, 9th September 2010 - Student artwork from our office at Suratpittaya

No 56, 10th September 2010 - Floral tributes at the city shrine in Surat

No. 57, 11th September 2010 - Stormclouds over Surat

More of the same next week…

The Thai-light Zone – Episode 5

And here it is, the grand finale of our week-long journey to the deepest, darkest recesses of the (in)human imagination, and hasn’t it been quite the rollercoaster ride? We’ve dealt with monsters, mummies, ghosts and even – gasp – a shadow! But we’ve all come out the other side safely, sanity intact and even some fragments of fingernails remaining unchewed. Or have we…?

For tonight we take our most terrifying trip yet. In the best tradition of saving the best for last I’ve lined up a final foray into fear so macabre, so menacing that the majority of you will probably run screaming from your monitors before the end. And this time it’s not just because of the grammar! No, this time I’ve unleashed the satanic cerebellum of Pair, a student destined for literary fame if she can only escape the devilish demons haunting her mind.

It’s time to take a dive into the…

Ghost Pond

No… No! I’m not meaning a swimming pool. I mean a *pond*. That… That! In this  school have only one pond. This pond is behind the school. Nobody want to go over there. Why? Because a ghost pond! Some boys want to know about this new and poke to look in a pond. Some of them said I saw long hair of a woman floated on the water or saw a little girl in the student uniform tried to climb out of a pond. “Are you scary?” But some stories are not the truth. My older sister said this story start from…

A little girl played beside this pond but she falled down her wallet… So she poke her face and saw her wallet float on the water. She try to use a rope but it was very short. She must use her body like a rope. Her weight was fat. Oh no! The rope was lack! She falled down to the pond. Nobody know she was die. Her body was rotten and very reek!!! Until now…

Once day a boy, hear this news, and he want to take a ghost photo. After school he took his camare with his body. “I feel hot so much” he said, but he forgot in the moment! He walked to an old pond. So he poke his face and shout! He saw a women face. She was laughing and smiling to him. She pulled his arm but he took camera and took a picture of it.

After everything was quiet and *pond* – ghost still in there… FOREVER!!!

____

That… That! Yes, that was truly the finest, most flesh-crawling, spine-tingling slice of classic Asian horror I’ve had in a long time. Drowning girls, curious boys, smiling faces, it had it all. And if you don’t believe it, just take a close look in the next pond (or perhaps well) that you come across. Poke your face and peer deep inside. Just don’t come crying to me when something happens…

And that’s your lot. Yes I know it’s hard to believe but our time here has come to an end. You must return to your mediocre everyday existence and try with all your might to pretend nothing has happened. Me, I’ll get back to my usual routine of hiding in your cupboard and spying on you while you sleep. If you hear a rustling sound  in the night don’t worry, it’s just me opening a Kit-Kat. Or it might be a mummy, or a ghost, or Dark Dimond, who knows?

Just pray that when you wake up you’re still safe and sound in your bed and not suddenly transported to…

THE THAI-LIGHT ZONE!!!

No… No! I’m not meaning a swimming pool. I mean a *pond*. That… That! In this  school have only one pond. This pond is behind the school. Nobody want to go over there. Why? Because a ghost pond! Some boys want to know about this new and poke to look in a pond. Some of them said I saw long hair of a woman floated on the water or saw a little girl in the student uniform tried to climb out of a pond. “Are you scary?” But some stories are not the truth. My older sister said this story start from…
A little girl played beside this pond but she falled down her wallet… So she poke her face and saw her wallet float on the water. She try to use a rope but it was very short. She must use her body like a rope. Her weight was fat. Oh no! The rope was lack! She falled down to the pond. Nobody know she was die. Her body was rotten and very reek!!! Until now…
Once day a boy, hear this news, and he want to take a ghost photo. After school he toook his camare with his body. “I feel hot so much” he said, but he forgot in the moment! He walked to an old pond. So he poke his face and shout! He saw a women face. She was laughing and smiling to him. She pulled his arm but he took camera and took a picture of it.
AAfter everything was quiet and *pond* – ghost still in there… FOREVER!!!

The Thai-light Zone – Episode 4

Hope yesterday’s frightfest didn’t have you running for  your mummy! Sorry, the depravity of the past few days of stories has left my sense of humour shrivelled up to a husk. A tiny zombie husk. It just limps around in my skull, moaning and occasionally banging into walls, not unlike the students responsible for the entertainment we’re currently enjoying.

Tonight’s treat is served up by Jane, who has  opted for the more traditional ghost story, albeit one with a curiously enigmatic ending. Hang onto your hats ny friends, it’s going to be a bumpy ride as we ascend…

The Ghost Mountain

Once upon a time there was a boy. The boy had a house behind the mountain. It was a bold mountain. He lived with his brother. He never knowed about this mountain. But his brother knowed everything about this. He asked his brother about ghost mountain.

This mountain had a boy died inside. Because the rock fall out of the mountain when he got some vegetables and got some animals. He died to supress. And body was separated.

The body was separated. So he died to scare the people for to know separately. And He approach to scare verey day.

___

Wow. That poor boy, all alone up the mountain. He  must have had a cold or something to have been unable to smell what The Rock was cooking. All he wanted was some food but instead he died – to supress! But to supress what, dear reader? Perhaps we’ll never know.

And that’s only one of the mysteries of ghost mountain. He also died ‘to scare the people to know separately’, indicating some psychotic, Pol Pot-like fear of collective knowledge, possibly induced by traumatic experiences in the hereafter. I could puzzle over this one sentence for days, nay weeks. And what of the capitalised ‘He’ in the final sentence – could it be that God himself has joined this wretched child in his reign of terror?

Okay, I’ll stop here – there’s already enough to keep you up till the small hours, poring over your books of philosophy and straining to glean some inside into the warped machinations of Jane’s brain. It’s certainly been enough for me to cast doubt on all that I thought I knew, all those fundamental assumptions and axioms I held dear.

But for now it’s farewell until next time. I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope, for our final descent into the well of woes that is…

THE THAI-LIGHT ZONE!!!

The Thai-light Zone – Episode 3

Did you manage to get any sleep after yesterday’s installment? See any shadows on the wall, hear any wailing and gnashing of teeth? Well at least in that little episode there was no bloodshed, no-one was hurt and we had a relatively happy ending – a safe one at any rate. Not so tonight, far from it…

Tonight we venture into the darkest reaches of Team’s psyche, all the way to the end of the world. Well, not the whole world but certainly the world as we know it. Steel your nerves and prepare for the darkness, the dread that is…

Mummy Monster

Last five thousand years. It had many mummies in the world. The mummy could kill the humen. And then in the world. It had 5 heroes and 5 millions mummies. Heroes were magic. They could use many skill magic.

Heroes met mummies and fight very long times. Heroes were tired. They could kill 3 million mommies. Heroes met the master mommy.

The master mommy was a very strong body. He could kill heroes. And the world didn’t has human. They had only mummies.

—–

Words fail me on this one. I’m normally a fan of apocalyptic fiction, I Am Legend, Lucifer’s Hammer and all that jazz, but this one gave me the cold sweats for a week. “They had only mummies” – has there ever been a more chilling end to a tale? It’s up their with the literary masters, that’s for sure. Anyway by now I’m sure your pulse is pounding, your heart straining to deliver that now ice-cold blood to your trembling fingertips, so I’ll bid you adieu until tomorrow for our penultimate platter of bone-jarring thrills and pant-wetting spills. Sweet dreams…